24 April 2002

On the sixth anniversary of Sarah's death our extended family came around as usual, not to cry and commiserate but just to be together in gentle memory of a very much adored niece, grandchild, cousin, sister and daughter.

Some things have changed in our family in 3 years, since the last update while others have remained the same.

Our boys are now going on 19 and going on 21. The older one, Brad, is in his 4th year at university and shows more signs of the trauma than his younger brother Michael. Brad struggled with anxiety last year, the first sign of which showed itself the year Sarah's health started its downward spiral. Although he seems fine at the moment, he is quiet and prefers to spend his time home. Michael is in his 2nd year at Uni, has bought a car and has a more active social life. Both boys have part-time jobs as computer programmers and both are heavily involved in setting up a local radio-wave computer network and helping to run a LAN game club. They are fortunate enough to enjoy many interests in common and still are each other's best friend.

I am working, both in an office and with a disabled teenager, and where once I avoided people and felt disliked, I now really enjoy meeting and talking to new people. I no longer have the need to seek solace in my books and 4 years of intense reading resulted in 3 mottos that I try to live by;

Carpe Diem - seize the day

Always look for the good in people

Always look on the bright side of life

I have also taken up rollerblading and weightlifting and walk Sarah's dog 5 times a week. I got my hair cut and lost weight and have learnt to enjoy life again, although it is always rough at Easter, Christmas, Sarah's birthday and the anniversary of her death.

However, the last year has been more difficult for Brian, who had always felt the pressure to "bring home the bacon" after Sarah died. While he was always supportive of my expressions of grief, he never really allowed himself to grieve. Last October he sold his business and has been on extended holiday since then while he decides what he wants to do. Just a few days ago, the day after the 6th anniversary of Sarah's death, we were told Brian had cancer in his right tonsil which had spread to his lymph gland on that side. This was an awful shock at a time of the year when we were grieving the loss of our daughter anew and we have a feeling of being caught in a time warp. Medical treatments for a serious disease, having to incorporate the treatment into our lifestyles and learning to develop new attitudes to help us cope with the mental trauma so that our sons won't be too badly affected - just the way we did 7 years ago when Sarah's health began its downward slide.

We are not a religious family so don't have the comfort of a faith to turn to, but human nature is such that you seem to find the strength in yourselves and each other that are essential in coping with life's difficulties. If it had not been this way I am sure the human race would have died out years ago!